Kamis, 18 April 2013


 Even in the elevator written the limit of one elevator is 25 people, but only this boy and this girl who choose not to take and waiting another one if there is more 6 people inside elevator. If this two people don't have critical claustrophobia we can assume they hates other people in their intimate zone.

It's been a year for the boy recognize there is new girl in his office building. Every 8.30 in the morning and 6.30 in the noon the boy will be stuck in the elevator with this new girl. Tall, sleek, long brown hair, and smell vanilla every time she walks. From their "scheduled meeting" every morning and noon, the boy know that the girl is work in 20th floor, the five floor before his.

And, today, after long, staring and smiling relationship they had been through, the boy think maybe it's a good time to just say "Hai" to her.

In exact 6.30 in Thursday noon, the boy took the elevator down with no doubt his elevator girl will be take his elevator too. And he is right, bell say "dink" in 20th floor, and only this pretty tall girl with her leather sling bag in the right shoulder. He gives her a smile, and just like 365 other time before, she give him a smile back.

Boy: "Hai.."

Girl: the girl look shock, she turn her happy eyes into furious eyes, her smile become pointy, she just hard to believe what he said and constantly shout "Stop"

Boy: "Excuse me?"

Girl: "Stop! Don't say anything that we both know that we can not ended it nicely... like "hai", "hey", "what's up", just don't make any possible things happen between this" said the girl waving his point finger from The Boys and herself.

Boy: "But... i.. what possible? i just want to say hai!"

Girl: "And then what? i said "Hai, too". And then you will ask me about how was my day, and then i said it was good, and then you will randomly ask me another question like you care and you really want to know me but actually you don't give a fuck. And i answer all your moronic question emotionless but you think we had a good conversation and then we reach the lobby and you know we will see me again tomorrow but instead you just leave me like another day you will said something idiot like "see you soon". And in the way home you think there is no mistake to take a lunch together, or go to the movie, and then we sharing a cab so we had a more time to talk again. And in the next day you will ask me what your plan, as logical person i will answer "i don't have a reason to say no" and we do whatever you had plan, maybe it's will went well with little respect kiss in your cheek or its turn "too well" and makes one of us to do "walk of shame" early in the morning to our own place, whatever it is, in the next morning, either you think it was a date and i think it was not or i think it was a date and you think it was not, both of us too confuse to find out and then stuck again in this elevator, staring each other again, but this time is so much worse than before because both of us know we should talk about it but none of us want to start talk about it. And day goes by, both of us get hurt by our own mind interpretation what just happening but none of us, especially you, have a real gut to say "goodbye". So, please, don't say it, don't ever think it was just a "hai"! "Hai" its more than anything, it's a magical words, either it makes you devastated by expectation or stuck in relation, so please, unless you really sure how and where you will go with your "hai" it is better to left ,whatever happening in here, anything unsaid... awkwardly in silent"


saya udah lama sebenarnya tahu The Temper Trap, baru bener-bener nagih bnaget pas lagunya yang baru ini, "Trembling Hands". Saya suka liriknya:

saya suka video klipnya:

dan tanpa mau sok-sok an anak grafis yang cinta warna dan gambar, tapi saya emang suka banget sama warna di video klip ini:

Hal paling enggak normal yang saya alamin tiap abis dengerin lagu Trembling Hands adalah others music like sounds like stupid noise. hehehe. 
Semua itu berkat suara emas si ganteng dari Manado ini :* (eh tapi band nya juga sih :DD)

Treading the ground
I once used to know
People are strangers
Same as before
Streets look familiar
I remember the part
Where I buried my head
So deep in my hands
All around me was dark

This here city
Is for the lonely ones
Won't find no angels
Selling maps to the lost
This here place
Is too small for two
It took one to realize
When dreaming's this hard
It's not meant to come true

So throw me a line
Somebody out there help me
I'm on my own
I'm on my own
Throw me a line
Afraid that I have come here
To win you again
With trembling hands

Passing the days
Looking over the buildings
Time seems to stop
While the millions keep moving
Now here I am
I'm a drop in your ocean
Noise in the crowd
Pushing through your halls of reason


So throw me a line
Somebody out there help me
I'm on my own
I'm on my own
Throw me a line
Afraid that I have come here
To win you again
With trembling hands

Hear me now make me whole
Hear me now make me whole

So throw me a line
Somebody out there help me
I'm on my own
I'm on my own
Throw me a line
Afraid that I have come here
To win you again
With trembling hands
With trembling hands

There goes the ending
It left me in the war
But I tried everything yeah
I am done with my part

Minggu, 14 April 2013


Out of nowhere i just bump out to this facebook page, called Bad Girl Art: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bad-Girl-Art/133228281468?ref=ts&fref=ts

And i think this bad girl really can define my definition of art:

love her!


Well, i have seen this before, in the most trusted and fascinated sites, 9GAG.
Those sites really big fans of patato and one of Derp (or Herp) publish one of this "easy baked potato".
I see the steps, i thought i could made that!

and here they are:

 First thing first, prepare this stuff:

and you did this to your beloved potato

as the main purpose of all, bake the damn potato! Bake it now, bake it really good. *be patient with this step, because it really need take time to make it perfect*you know, crispy outside but soft and cheesy inside ;9*

 After an hour *or even two* open up your oven (or microwave, or any thing that can be use for bake) and enjoy the perfect smell from baked potato and melting cheese. I called it hungry smell.

Well, my favorite way to enjoy these potato with spaghetti sauce (mom's secret recipe) and chili sauce (i love spicy food)

And, girls (or boys) that's how i waste my sunday morning!

Rabu, 03 April 2013


my new muse...
well not exactly new,
i've been obsessing her ever since she por
trayed Max Black in sitcom 2 Broke Girls two years ago.. so hell yeah, Kat!

okay about my last post...
TODAY I'M HURT, AND I'M READY TO GET HURT IN ANOTHER TIME, AND ANOTHER TIME, AND ANOTHER TIME, UNTIL  GET WHAT I WANT! (no, i'm not psycho, i'm just little bit compulsive... in a good way)

some smarties told me "don't fear people who obsess to win, but scare people whose not afraid to lose"*kira-kira begitu kalau enggak salah* (i know, this is such a dull way to cheer myself up but it does cheer me up, so, yeah! cheers)


Kayak kue dengan hiasan fondant diatasnya, frosting dan decorating nya nutupin cacat rasa dan tekstur dari kuenya...
right now i have too much butter cream and fondant in my cake...

Saya tahu dan saya sadar kalau saya sendiri pun ragu dan enggak yakin bisa lolos saat pertama kali saat mendapat undangan interview Skype pertama saya,
Saya nervous dan saya banyak bengongnya ketimbang jawab pertanyaan interviewer,
Saya tahu dari situ harusnya saya emang udah nothing to loose
tapi nothing to loose nya saya enggak menghentikan saya untuk daydreaming untuk bisa kerja di luar negeri
dengan segala fasilitas yang mereka kasih
-tempat tinggal
-jaminan kesehatan
-uang makan 3 kali sehari
-kesempatan pulang ke Indonesia 4 kali tiap tahunnya

dan semua itu diluar gaji bulanan yang bisa saya dapetin dari perusahaan ini,
persyaratannya pun enggak susah, intinya dari 10 kriteria saya masuklah 8-9nya,
cerita ke beberapa teman jelas bikin saya jadi semangat dan PD dan GR dan ngayalnya jadi makin makin,

Dan malam ini saya dapet jawabannya yang intinya saya gagal lah (akhir-akhir ini saya lagi akrab ama mas gagal nih, huff)
sedih sih, kecewa, jujur saya bahkan sempat nangis,
anehnya ini adalah tangisan pertama saya setelah 1 bulan nganggur enggak ngapa-ngapain,
ini kayak gamparan buat saya yang buat saya sadar kalau saya ini bukan siapa-siapa banget,
Selama saya nganggur saya santai-santai aja,
dipanggil wawancara tinggal hadir,
disuruh nunggu ya nunggu,
Tapi baru kali ini (mungkin baru perusahaan ini doang yang cukup gentle menghubungi kalau saya enggak diterima di perusahaannya kali ya) i feel so devastated, exhausted, tired... 
Saya baru pertama kali harus menyadari dan menerima kalimat super klise di muka bumi ini "enggak semua yang kita inginkan bisa tercapai"

Karena saya emang bukan tipe orang yang percaya sama kata-kata itu,
Kalau kata teman saya, saya ini tipe orang yang kompulsif, apa yang saya inginkan harus saya dapetin,
padahal enggak ada mandatory atau dasar khusus kenapa saya harus dapetin hal tersebut,
Saya tipe orang yang percaya kalau saya mampu bilang "aku ingin A" itu artinya saya punya kemampuan untuk memiliki si "A"...

Dan saat ini, malam ini, saya sadar dengan keinginan dan requirement aja enggak cukup untuk bisa bikin saya dapetin apa yang saya inginkan. Ya, walaupun cita-cita kerjaan ini baru saya penginin sekitar dua minggu yang lalu, tapi senggaknya dari interview dan segala macam yang saya jalani saya jadi kepingin dan sebagai orang yang kompulsif saya jadi harus memiliki, terus ternyata saya enggak bisa memiliki dan saya enggak bisa maksa yang ada saya bisanya nangis... anjis cengeng abis...

Di luar tangisan kecewa ini, saya jadi flashback betapa saya ini sebenernya orang yang rapuh banget (idih najis bgt), saya gampang banget ngeliatin suasana hati yang senang tenang riang tapi sedikitnya ada masalah saya bisa sedih kayak apaan tauk,

Hidup saya ini kebanyak frosting dan decorating,
kebanyak paper wrap dan ornament,
kebanyak expektasi dan ilusi,
Mulai hari ini saya mulai realistis (i mean, mungkin belajar mengurangi ekspektasi dan mengontrol kompulsivitas *geee, is that real word?*) like my sister Max Black said: